Sunday, July 13, 2014


Until We Meet Again

In most cases, goodbyes are inevitable.  They are a routine gesture used by many people to signify someone's absence.  Most of us recognize this signaling word as being either temporary or permanent.  This blog discusses my emotional journey of saying "goodbye" to the things and people who mattered most to me.

Saying goodbye is always such a difficult thing to do.  I personally don't like "goodbye," for the very reason that it sounds permanent.  I prefer the phrase, "until we meet again," because that sounds temporary and acknowledges that I have sincere intentions to meet again.  Among the hardest things to leave behind were my friends, co-workers, dog, and the house.  However, every circumstance and everyone in my journey has helped me become the stronger person that I am today,

Leaving my place of employment in MD was heart-wrenching for many reasons.  I felt like I had finally "made it" career-wise and loved selling, fixing, and handling jewelry.  I also had an excellent supervisor/"soul sister" who helped guide me in so many ways in the jewelry business and in the game of life.  In fact, if it hadn't been for her guidance and continuous support, I don't know how I would have managed in my difficult situation.  Other team members were equally as supportive, though, offering advice and optimism in the darkest of times.  This team was special, one of whom I still cannot forget.  Everyone had their own niche and was valuable to the team.  I will never forget the group dynamic and support I received.  To put it simply, I considered them my family.  They were an essential chapter of my life and personal growth and will forever hold a special place in my heart.


Leaving my dear friends was very emotional for me since I had developed such good friendships over the course of a year.  They loved me for who I was, I never had to pretend or apologize to them.  I learned from them that every relationship should have this kind of quality, not just friendships.  With the love and support I received from my friends, this led me to believe there is something better for me on the horizon, even if I didn't know where I was going at that time. I learned more from them than they will ever know and they provided me love in times I didn't know it existed.  They are always in my heart as I think of them often and stay in touch.


Leaving the house and my dog, Duke is still one of the hardest things I have dealt with.  To have worked so relentlessly to purchase the home of my dreams to suddenly leave was devastating.  Likewise, to have loved and cared so deeply for Duke and to have left with the memory of him whimpering was like a mother leaving her crying child.  I don't ever wish for anyone to experience anything like that.  Thankfully, though, Duke is now in a loving home with a family who socializes him daily.  In fact, he is a therapy dog.


I didn't share my story for sympathy, but rather to sort out my feelings that have been tucked away for awhile.  For those whom I never said goodbye to, I am deeply sorry.  I haven't forgotten you, and I haven't forgotten the regret.  
"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained."  ~Anonymous


I have become the best version of myself and am amazed at my own strength, albeit it wasn't easy.  Every day is a challenge, but I dream of better days, and so far life has been full of wonderful surprises.  I see nothing but blue skies from here on out and look forward to the next chapter of my life.


At some point, I would like to reconnect with my "family."  The question of "when" remains a mystery, though.  All I can say at this point is that I look forward to meeting with you again..
"Goodbyes are not forever.  Goodbyes are not the end.  They simply mean I'll miss you, until we meet again!"  ~Anonymous

Monday, April 14, 2014

A Spiritual Awakening

Before I start this post, I should mention that I am not going to affiliate myself nor promote any sort of organized religion.  Due to the nature of many opinions/beliefs, I feel these things should remain private and are not open for debate/discussion on my blog.  I am, however, going to talk about my own experience and definition of a "spiritual awakening."  This posting is about the experience I encountered.

Perspective gives you many windows to view the world around you.  It is especially good for your heart and soul.  On the journey you find yourself figuring out your own set of beliefs, while forming a solid foundation for your identity.  It is in this formation that you realize things you really enjoy doing, and company you really enjoy spending time with.

In my case, it primarily involves listening to/playing music and working with/being in the presence of people.  Last Friday evening, I had the pleasure of hearing the Maryland Symphony Orchestra perform pieces by Haydn, Sibelius, and Elgar.  Out of all of these, Elgar's Cello Concerto stood out the most, especially with the soloist.  It is during these times of hearing  professional musicians that I so fondly remember what it was like to be one myself.  It is also one of these times I am blessed to be involved in this gift of energy, otherwise known as music.  Music cannot be explained, but experienced.  For any of you who have participated as a musician or audience member, you probably know that there is an exchange of energy that goes on.  In this exchange of energy there is music, but there is also the passion from the musicians.  Maybe I am more of an intuitive person or maybe just a mystic.  Either way, I am elated (maybe some kind of transcendentalism) and become overcome with joy during these events.  This is one such instance of a "spiritual awakening" for me.

Another case of a "spiritual awakening" is when I am helping people.  Even though I am just a volunteer ticket-taker or usher, I take pleasure in meeting new people.  I had the pleasure of talking with an older woman about the music of the program, as well as other mundane topics.  Talking with her and others reminded me that there are good people out there.  Humanity isn't totally doomed.  ;)

Music ties humans together.  It is one of the few things that binds us together without speech or action.  It opens our ears so we listen, instead of just hearing what is around us.

Music and people are gifts.  It is up to us to find the good in people, and it is up to us to surround ourselves with things that make us happy.